Wear the evidence

Merch

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T-Shirt

Keeping it weird since 96. Well, that’s what it says on the restraining order. Still banned from the cold meat section of The Asda. Devvoed.

£16 Ask behind the bar

Tote Bag

Both a fashion statement and a cry for help; Get your sticky mitts on a La’go bag. It tells the world “I take life advice from a Zoltar machine, love a cheap bev and I’m partial to flashing my arse in a photo booth.” It’s called a lifestyle.

£5 Ask behind the bar

Lighter

It will probs get nicked by that blert of a mate who has your ciggies off as well. Or, used to light candles that cover up the smell of alcohol, donna meat and shame. The options are thrilling. Shame it won’t burn away the memory of you necking your ex last night.

£2 Ask behind the bar

Condoms

If you’re gonna let Jabba out the Hutt, wrap him up. Nobody wants their pink bits to look like garlic mayo.

£2 Ask behind the bar